its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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