He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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