there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
