I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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