dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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