I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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