Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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