chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
