well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The air was thick with penises
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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