i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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