You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
