Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
