I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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