I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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