What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
