so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
