I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
