so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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