dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
