Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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