:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
