she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
