my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
