Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
