real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
