Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
