watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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