It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
