Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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