My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
