I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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