Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
