So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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