Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
