why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
