worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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