I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
