I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
