i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you never un-have a 4some
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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