If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
