He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
