I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
