awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
