happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
