are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
