We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
