Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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