We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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