We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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