How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
