I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
