The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
