Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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