We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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