I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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