i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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