I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
