Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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