I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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