bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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