OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
