...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
