It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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