I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
