where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
