youre lurking in front of me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
