i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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