Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
