I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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