if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
